Mating in captivity

You can thank Grace for the header. The comment, however, started me thinking about how we as humans in a way all mate in captivity. I'm really going off the wall here, but this is my thoughts....
We all have a pattern, a dance... you can call it in finding a mate. Many rules apply-
No Freedom, we all are bound to a way of flirting and rules. {even though we may say we hate them and want to do away with them, we abide by them anyway - stinkin' natural life cycles etc... - G.S.}
Why is it that we can't just tell people how we really feel?
Rules:
#1: You both need a common knowledge of "liking one another" before one makes the first move.
#2: The hair toss is the clincher move. Never use it too early on (or boys, you might just scare her off!)
#3: Never look the girl straight in the eyes, for more than a few seconds (If your not ready for marriage) {also a clincher move... unless of course you have a lazy eye, and/or glass eye/cataracts/happy face contact lens - G.S.}
#4: To be nice to a woman is asking for deep trouble, whether you like her or not... because women are trouble.
#5: Never wash your hands after using the bathroom, that's just giving her false expectations
#6: Bad pick up lines can capture a woman's heart better then any flowers.
#7: Just tell her she looks fat in all her clothes, we learn not to ask after the tenth time (kidding, we'll never learn!)
#8: Aim low and try to look good after marriage not before.
#9: The "hand holding dance" is just a waste of time and we know you don't like it, just tell us how you ' feel' that's better than physical affection.... {although cuddling after is nice too. After what? ... get out of the gutter - after sharing your feelings of course} grace's adendum.
#10: Forget all you think about women, not one is alike (what worked with your old girlfriend might not work every time.... Unless you're looking for a Stepford Wife)

WARNING!! The views expressed in this blog, although eloquent are not a true representation of my thoughts and/or feelings.
Signed, the incredible (some may say desperate) duo Joy & Grace "Stepford" Schienbein