Spiritual Abundance
The Quest for the Presence of God in Daily Life.

Note: I'm putting this at the top, to say this blog is just me going on and on. A lot of things in this blog are thoughts I had, Which even I don't agree with any more. My thought's were just a guide to this book which helped me and the road I took to get there.

I was looking for a book the other night to read and this one ' Spiritual Abundance' just jumped off of the shelve, O.k. maybe not jumped more like it fell when I hit some over. I read the title and thought ' I need to read this!'.
Since I left Bible school four years ago, I have felt like I was missing God in my life. Church after a while started to make me upset, everytime I tried to help out in the Church my help never seemed needed. And I kept getting jobs that are hard for me to have time off to help or do things with even friends.
So last year I gave up trying, I thought to myself 'if the Christians didn't want me or my help, then I don't want them'. And right then things started to become harder ( not that I gave up on being a Christian, I just thought I did), I couldn't sleep at night, the Christian friend I did let into my life and would answer the phone for died. Did I say then ,' o.k. God'
No, it's funny I never really knew what hardening the heart ment until this year. And boy did I harden, 'God didn't want me, he would take anyone else just not me I wasn't good enough' these were my thoughts ' if the Chruch and Christians didn't want me and they were his people, then for sure my whole Christian life up to that point had just been in my head, God never wanted me either.' The thing that frustrated me was I knew all the right words to say to answer my own questions and when people would try and talk to me I became more frustrated. Then I turned to the thoughts God must hate me ' I prayed to be thin, and I'm still not. I prayed to be married, still not.'
I knew why they weren't being answered, I wanted Him to be my doll, for me to be in control. Same thing with the church I see now, I wanted to be needed but I was putting all my wants in the church to help me look good, not God.
Nights started getting harder, Church a torture. And fear of never really being or becoming a Christian, was great on my mind, I never want to go to hell. But my thought's still came that no matter how many times I asked to be a christian it wouldn't be good enough.
Then I started to read Christian books and take notes in church, no the rejection was still there.
The night I hit the book off the shelve I think I was ready and open to read anything.
Reading the title 'Quest for the presence of God in daily life' just hit me, the writer is a pastor and even when you have a job helping in the church, your life can still feel like you're not doing your best or not wanted.
The back said: ' Spiritual Abundance calls us to move beyond distractions and discover the authentic life God has given us' , ' spiritual abundance can help you find the resources to transform your life with eternal and spiritual significance.'
I have to say the first chapter did nothing for me, but the second chapter was about the breath of God, something I never studied before.
These are just parts from the book that hit me as I end this very long blog, I haven't gotton my life fully back on track, but that's just life ups and downs. God came to save the sinners, and that's all Christians are I have to remind myself daily.

- ' The recovery of one's spiritual capacity begins when the heart turns back to God, regardless of how tough the road has been.'
-' Genuine existence is more that simply being alive. The secular "good life" is not enough to give our time here on earth meaning.'
-' Our spirituality is the point of contact where eternal life begins through our relationship with Jesus the Christ.'