In the blink of an eye

Have you ever been warned to enjoy your youth because in the blink of an eye your youth will be gone?
Well I had many times. I found myself going along, always being told I was too young, and as I aged, compared to my family and friends I was still the young one, the little sister type.
I would have done anything to age, in every birthday card my sister would write " Now you can say your..." and would write an age older then I was turning.

Until this year... I was going along feeling too young, not ready for anything, and then one night I went to sleep and everything changed. I woke up and I was 25! I was getting told I had wrinkles, or if checking out a guy I would be told he was only 21,and too young for me. Getting asked by people of all ages if I was older then my sister. (who by they way is seven years older then myself)
A student at the school I work in thought I was too old to have kids!! That cut like a knife to the heart, and on and on the comments come... some I know are just out of teasing and I must admit funny. But when you keep hearing the same thing long enough, you start to believe it.

What if I've become so old that the only men who are interested in dating me are geophysicists, and they are only interested in carbon dating? (another great comment that came my way?)

Do you think you have a time frame in life where you are the best you're ever going to be? I feel I just missed my mark?

I went as far as a sad attempted today and looked up mail order grooms, just to make sure I had a back up if I came to need one... I found I was under qualified for even a desperate man.

So the next question I asked myself was..."Is this it? Was I meant to be single? Was this God's plan for my life? And if so then why have I longed my whole life to be married?" After all marriage won't solve my problems maybe add to them... And the answer I got.... nothing.

The whole world is looking for love, to the point we will sell out on love and marry a strange, marry for money, for a companion.
Just so we won't have to go places alone, or be the third wheel in a group of friends, be the one who goes looking like a mad woman to find someone to fill the 'and guest' spot.

As time goes by the men get fewer, the desperation more and the hope dwindles...
I hate the 'you're still young you'll find someone' line. If 25 years have past without on single option and I have moved away, to find the competition more and the amount of men less... you're left to think things will now only happen if you have some Devine intervention, because if you hit the online dating now, you maybe waisting a good ten more year.

How is it one day your young, the next you're mid-twenties, and the next you wake up 60 and had wished my life away? Why can't I be happy single?
There's a reason for it, if only I could get past the dumb questions the world throws my way... "Why don't you have a man?" (yes, it's fully my choice... ha!) "Are you gay?" (no, and it seems they have more luck then I do these days) "You must be picky!" ( your right! I don't want a man who will cheat on me, or not a Chirstian).

In a blink of an eye, time disappered, and age crept in to stay.

When

Lately I have been so consumed with death.
A few years back when a friend of mine passed away and it shook me to the core. I realized not everyone was going to live to old age and bad things could happen to me and people I love. Then this year two other people I know, both in their twenties died also in a car crash. Right then and there it started. God became to me a hit man and I was just a sitting duck.. waiting to be shot at. I haven't left town since, I keep feeling pains that might not be anything or real even. But lately all I have in my head is I or another person I care about is next. I wish I could just trust God for the out come... anything He has for me will be right and good, I know this and yet my brain keeps fighting it.
Anyhow, in a few weeks my family and myself, God willing will be headed over to England and all I keep thinking is; is this it.
Was this my life and it's done!
I know what my Bible has to say... I know what my family has to say, but somehow the fear hits and I can't stop thinking something bad has to happen to us again.
The on going fight of " Lord please don't take me yet" and the " But Your will be done it my life". The "I know you are Love" but " You're going to kill me".
" He has plans for me of a hope, and a future, plans for good and not evil" but " Please Not Yet!". I plead for a husband and children, yet I know He should be all I want and need. He shows me time and time again, that he has given me more time... I better start living for Him and not this world.
So then I feel guilt... if heaven is where we all want to end, it's the goal, the mark, and the prize. Why do I fear going to Him?
Is it the fear of the unknown?
The fear that I might not get to go?
Am I calling Him a liar? ( I sure hope not!)
I just wish I had faith like a child! I wish I just had the ticket in my hand, the halo around my head, and my only wants here on earth, is the want to be with Him. Know Him and be so in love with Him... all other wants and needs fade.
I want to trust Him, not to have to think of what I'll eat, drink, where I will live, if I'll ever get married, have kids, or live to be 50 let alone 25.
This has been going on for months and I'm so tired of my own thoughts.. That right now I wish I was a puppet.
Why is it the more I want to be on fire for Him the farther I seem to be?
Why can't I just trust Him for the out come? How do you let go of self and step into life and truth?

Someday...someday....

To Him who is faithful to keep us from falling be all Glory, Honor, and Praise. Amen

I HATE PLANNING PARTIES

Two of my good friends are having their birthdays soon.. So I thought I would plan a little get together of friends, a BBQ/campfire.

Most of my friends are married and their husbands are good friends with my brothers, but the boys never seem to want to go, and in the end it is like pulling teeth to get them any where. (they are the ones who always have the most fun)

I love God, but looking at the boys I think God made me the wrong sex. They have the most fun at parties... never have to set up, go shopping, have their friend's babies at everything. All they have to do is show up and act as they have just done the world a favor.... Add another gem to their crown's Lord.

I just don't get what the hardship is about spending time with their friends in town, but their friends out of town.. now theirs a good time.

I don't even care if they come, other than not wanting to hear people asking where they are the whole night.

P.S. I just wanted to let off steam, and am pretty sure after a year of not being on here, no one looks any more.

Dan & Joyanne's wedding pictures

I just Discovered Face Book

Sorry If I'm not on here anymore I'll get back to it, I just found this site thats fun and so many people I know are on.
But I'll write when I get back from my trip to Ohio... five more days untill I'm gone!!!

Sick

Runny nose, Blood shot eye, Can't breath!
Sick.
Sore throat, Swollen glands,pluged up nose!
Sick.
Funny speech, coughing, dry lips!
Sick.
Pluged ears, hot and cold, clamy feet!
Sick.


I hate this!!!!!

Exclusively Yours


I know I haven't written in a long time, not that I haven't anything to type but what do you share with people about your life.

Two good friends of mine have been trying to set me up on blind dates and so I agreed to one only if it would be a group date. ( I know I'm 23 but the fact I still live at home, with older siblings is a little trun off of dating because I feel like a little girl and scared to say I have a date)
So this guy turns out to be great, nice, good looking, tells me I'm beautiful. after the night he asked to see me the next night... now I get worried.. he wants to see me again um....um... ok.
I don't know what to do how am I going to have this really date?
So I call up some friends and ask them to go for coffee and then call him to say I had made plans with friends if he would like to join. Turns out to be another nice night,he even paid for my food and coffee!!!! but then at the end of the night he asks me again if he could take me on a real date on friday, so I tell him I don't like to make plans. ( which my friend up and say I make plans all the time... this is were I kick her under the table and tell her I only ever make plans with her)
He then asks if he could then call me on the day in question to ask me out ( I can't let my family see me leave the house all dressed up) so I tell him I hate getting phone calls. He says " ok then, can I text you?" I couldn't believe this!
I get home and text him right away to say I'm not interested in a relationship. Then I see him at my friends house the other night and he is acting so nice and so sweet.... I give the cold shoulder.
I am going to die alone!!! So there you have it an Exclusive story for the world to know.