Roads Not Taken

I was out walking with my sister the other day and we came to a yellow wood with two diverging roads, one was paved and the other was mossy, reminding us of the Robert Frost poem ( which I love) it didn't take us a second thought to pick.
Into the wood we trod with the sun shining through the trees..... breathtaking. As we went I tripped over a tree stump and fell into a puddle of mud but on we went. There we found tree forts ( which I want to believe elves made and also parts that reminded me of the Narnia tales) It felt like we had been walking for a time untill we hit the clearing. As we turned and headed back time seemed to speed up, and we were right back to the diverging roads. Then the thought came to me " To go forward is so much more exciting then going back" going back you know what to look for, what's ahead. Sure I fell, got dirty, but if I had stopped right then and there going back to what I know, I would have never seen the beauty and the creativity that lay beyond.
That's life to me... right there in one afternoon walk. To stay with what we know and never move forward, or stopping when we get hurt, would make us miss out on all the great, beautiful things that are just a few steps ahead.
"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by and that has made all the difference" - by Robert Frost

Anything

It has been so long since I've been on here, that I'm sure no one is reading this site. Making me able to write anything and everything. Aaron this is for you, I was going to write about sailing and what a great " duty" you do for the navy. Then the thought came to me what " duty" a bunch of grown men sitting around on a boat in the middle of the ocean, what do they real do? I don't know what to write.... so I'll end with... Three sailors walk into a bar....haha

Till we have face

I was just talking to my brother about C.S.Lewis's book "Till We Have Faces", about how the character's face was veiled and people came to know her by the veil. So later when she took it off no one knew her. That is such a small part to the story but a main part I find in life. We all in a way are veiled, each person we meet sees us veiled, not who we really are - and most people don't even want to see us without it. We sometimes are so blind to the truth about people.
I have had a friend for years, who I can say now, I don't know her. I know her in the way that we still hang out but I don't really know her ( if that makes sense). I don't know where she stands with God, Family matters, Relationships and I have to say I never really tried. Why is it that we are scared to get beyond the veil and see the true person underneath. Or show ourseleves for that matter. I think it all comes down to pride and the need to be loved. If people see us for who we are will they reject us? Will the friendship die? Too often we're to scared to even try, and their friendship is worth the lie ( so we think).
This character, once she put aside love for herself and started to really show love to the people around her, did become beautiful ( I forgot to say she was ugly, you really have to read the book. I can never explain properly). If we can put aside our love for ourselves and love with true agape love, then we can grow into the people we are meant to be and not care if we are wearing a veil or if people are getting to see the person we really are.

Computer Geek

I find it interesting that I never cared much for the computer until my friend Janet told me to open up this blog. Now it consumes my days and nights like a drug, when I'm not on it I think about when I'm going to get my next fix, what I can write, who will comment ( if they comment). How is it that something so lonely can bring so much. At a push of a button people are reading my inner thoughts, you would think that this would creep me out, but in fact I find it a push to write better.
I have no real knowledge of computers, I can hardly call my self advanced in the typing area. And I get lost in the web, like it was a Huge shopping mall.
I now find myself typing about blogs because my day was very uneventful.
It's amazing how you know how your day is going to be by the signs you get in the morning.
Today I woke up poured myself a cup of coffee, it was cold... I thought it was hot, it looked like it would be... Boy, was I wrong!!
Then I make my way downstairs to take my work clothes ( I would be wearing today) out of the dryer... but I never put them into the dryer, I must have forgotten that step before going to bed.
So now I'll draw you a picture, I have an hour before work, my hair's wet, I'm in my workout sweats, no makeup, bags under my eyes that I could go shopping with, and a handful of underwear and socks. When this guy I don't know comes around the corner, (he was working on the electrical in our garage (that was on fire not too long ago), and came down to make sure it was off). So after my shame wore off, I went back up to dry my hair, I get my hair dryer all ready to go... Nothing...Again nothing. My power was turned off, so I go and check all the other rooms and of course they work, odd that in the entire household my room is the only one with no power!
I go to my first shift, three tables, one hour and done, I come home holding myself back from coming on the computer, go to work early so not to be tempted. One table, one hour and done, whole day four tables, two hours, seven dollars an hour. I come out with a whole fourteen dollars, and a nothing day. Now what lives did I touch, how was this day of any use? I could have stayed in bed and nothing would have really changed, other than drinking cold coffee and scaring this poor... poor man.
And of course writing this has changed nothing, other than wasting you're time by reading it, sorry! Big sigh!

Questions

This weekend has filled my mind with questions, then last night I went out with my friend and she said " I wish I knew if I'll get married".
Why is this? That we all want so badly to see our future? To know what God has in store. I got to thinking about the statement, if we could see who we were to marry and when that day will come, would we then be content?
The answer I came to is ....NO.
I wouldn't be happy, I would wish away the time, think why can't it happen now, or why him? I would be at the wrong point in my life, missing out on the now and what I have to do, people I have to meet to get to the point where I am ready for marriage.
If I knew that I am going to get married, would I be happy? Or just saying I knew it?
If I get a gift just because I wanted it, I don't enjoy it as much as if I'm surprised. I watch movies and they all give a false idea of love, you read a book and then create an idea in your head of what life after marriage will be like.
Then I came to the idea that marriage is a gift not a right, God gave Eve to Adam. It's a gift like speaking in tongues, the gift of giving, not everyone is gifted in marriage or ever will be.
So why the desire? Was the next question.
I still am wondering that one, but I know if I could see what God had in store I might end up not doing His will, running before I knew the real joy that could come of it....

Engagment

Tonight at work I was serving a customer, and this 17 year old boy that I work with came over and asked my customer if he could butt in for a second. She agreed... so the boy gets down on one knee in front of me, brings out a candy ring and there in front of a restaurant full of people asks me to marry him. I was so embarrased. ...But of course I said "Yes!" I wanted the candy. It was one of the funniest things. I was so flattered.
But I would go to jail for sure, if my expressed intentions were true. I always dreamed of the day when a guy will ask me to marry him, but a restaurant full of people looking on - I'd never want. I think it should be more quite, just the two of you. What if the girl said no? He would have so many people looking on as his heart was breaking.
One day the man God has for me will come along and I'll just know he's the one, I'll be happy I didn't waste my time going from guy to guy. (or so they assure me - Grace especially) Some days I don't think this way and I wish I could just run off and marry the next man that asked me. That way he wouldn't have to meet my family first and run off before he's even gotten to know me. They can be quit scarry at times ( loving but scarry - in the overwhelming sense... all 10 of them) but if he's going to love me, my family comes with the package (so to speak). Maybe that's how I'm going to know and he'll love me for me not how I look (to many just love me for my looks, hahaha). No marriage should be based on that, I think that is why there are so many divorces. But one based on how we grow in God together, common interests, laughing together, sharing in pain and days he looks bad (or even days I look bad - yes it is possible, hahaha).
Back to where I started, it was so sweet of this boy but when you finish college four years ago you don't want to entertain thoughts of marriage to a boy just finishing high school... sorry GCAC Youth. His little act, however, made my night and I thought it was so sweet he would even think of me in that light, at least not replused by the thought obviously right? Please say that I'm right... Please? Oh how silly I am...

note: my brother's say its a verbal contract and I now really do have to marry him.
note: my dad couldn't believe I said yes, I should have just taken the ring said "no!" and ran
note: you should have seen the look on my customers face. hahaa
note: the ring was watermelon flavor - mmm mmm good.

Nicknames

I was talking to someone tonight about a nickname they were given, and asked if there was anything behind it because it was nothing you just come up with. Like sweetie, pookie ( which was one of mine), sugarplum, etc...
All other nicknames have a story behind them, and if you don't, you make one up.
For example: I have this friend that I gave the nickname "donut", why I don't really know.
I say it's because she's sweet but has a whole in the middle of her heart. ( not true, but I needed something as my cover when I first called her by that name, and then it just stuck)
Nicknames I find are a way to be closer with someone, something just for your group of friends.
However, if your going to call someone something other then their given name at least make up a story to tell people when they ask.
I find in some cases, (not all) a good nickname can make life embarrassing and hard to get though, or just a little bit of fun. It's amazing that a name can do so much and have such an impact in a person's life.
I also find it amazing how long I can go on about nothing in particular, so before I bore you all with my minds workings.....

Friend Facts

Janet and Jeamie this is for you, Janet because you asked me to and Jeamie... Well just because you were scared of what I might write about you.( what do you have to fear? Unless your hiding something:).
Now, here's what you do, I write a statement and you guess who's name should match the statement.
Friends: Jeamie, Janet, Grace, Nikki, and I'll add myself (for you Jeamie)
Statements:
1) This person thinks she has no personality
2) This one likes folk music
3) She likes to sleep in the nude
4) Loves to say " when life hands you crap, you make crap juice"
5) Has a tattoo
6) Can eat a whole thing of icing
7) Dated her stocker
8) Talks in her sleep
9) Made a two fat ladies cooking show with me
10)Worked at Pizza Hut

Have fun and good luck!

forgiveness

I was going to do a blog called friend facts, writing down fun facts about my friends and you match their name to a sentence you think might be about them. I still might someday. But I changed my mind, all day the theme of forgiveness has come to mind, the cabbie, morning church, on t.v., in a story I was reading, and then again in church tonight. What does it really mean to forgive, I have had this question come to mind a lot this last year. Remember I have foot-in-mouth disorder, with the problem comes a few rude comments.
I also take everything said to me straight to heart, then stay up half of the night thinking what the hidden meaning to their words could be.
Today I found forgiveness is a hard thing for me, did I really forgive the cab driver? In a way, I wasn't mad at him and he did give me a story, but a little part of me must have been, I wrote an entire blog about the poor guy.
People say all the time to "forgive and forget", now I can forgive to a point but forget! When I try to forget I harbor it within me all the more, thinking of this painful thing and having to let go, only to find I'm holding onto it all the more harder.
I let things go so much to heart, that in the end I'm the one needing to be forgiven, most often then not the person who wronged me has no idea they have even hurt me in the first place, so I try to laugh away the hurt making fun of myself with them, to show it never got to me or I become very quite. Which for me is a big thing, I even talk in my sleep.
In Church tonight we were reading about how God forgives sins and remembers them no more, meaning that He won't keep on rubbing our past sins or wrong doings back in our face the next time we mess up.
Now if only I could do that. When one of my best friends past away this last year, my sister had a hard time with me, she was upset that I was able to spend the last days of our friends life with her and she wasn't. So when I need a friend at that time too, she was pushing me away. We ended up having a small fight which turned into something much bigger, by bringing up past hurts we never forgave, to bring them up at that time. We ended up not talking to each other at a point in our lives when we really could have lent on one other.
We have both now forgiven the other, but now it's always there sitting between us and things have not been the same, not that it can't get better.
So how does one forgive and forget? I would really like to know the answer to this, If God can do it and we are his children, why can't we?

note: I'm not mad at anyone, just confused about this theme for my day
note: I love my sister with my whole heart
note: I love talking about the cabbie

Snow covered


Today I awoke to beautiful snow covered hills, the world was a wonderland of pillowy snow. I went to make myself a cup of tea to warm up from the morning chills, the ones that hit you when you first get out of bed on a winter morning. I then dressed for church, trying to look my best and took out from hiding my dressy winter coat.
Now I have just bought a car and as my luck would have it the car starter doesn't work. So running out of time, I head to my car to sweep it of and start her up. Just when I was finishing up a taxi drives by, his wheels lifting the wet dirty snow off of the road, making a wave of slush arise and cover me from top to bottom. I put my pride aside I ran into the house sopping wet, put on a pair of jeans, a sweater and my other winter coat that makes me look like a puffy Black marshmallow and headed on my way to church.
Late and not wanting to be noticed for my sopping wet hair, I climbed over the pew in the very back of the church, right next to my sister who snickered at my appearance, and kept finding wet leaves in my hair.
As I sat there I started to think of the driver of the taxi and making up his life story.
He is a man in his late 30's , married his high school sweetheart and has two young children at
home.
Today he woke up a little unhappy at the thought of having to go clean off his car and about the time he crossed my path, he had been working for about three hours and had no breakfast. He was now running late for a woman who called wanting a ride to Church herself. Seeing me so happily cleaning of my car gave him the evil idea to splash me. Giving me the story I now give to you.
note: I wasn't really that happy about the snow
note: The driver was never really after me
note: I think writing these notes is my favorite part to blogging