Insert Foot

In this last year I have developed this problem which I like to call foot in mouth disorder .
It's were I'm talking to someone and before I know it, I've got my foot in my mouth.
At first it started out only as a problem with this guy I like. Who for the last year {or maybe a bit more} knows that I exsist, but the knowlege of my interest is unknown.
Now I could go about this a couple of different ways:

1) Tell Him that I like him, only to find my foot in my mouth once again.

2) Hope that he will return my feelings, take the man roll and just ask me out already!

3)Die an old maid, or move on

4) Well I don't really have a number four

I can talk to just about anyone ( it's part of my job, I have too) but with this guy I just get to the point that I say something stupid or just walk away before I'm even done talking. Foolish, I know!
But it's only with him or so I thought.
The other day at work, I'm talking with two people I work with, whom I have become good friends with over time. One asked the other what happend with her baby's father, why he was no longer in the picture. Well jumping in just to be stupid { this is were I insert foot} I say, " she killed him". Truth of the matter, as it turns out, he died in a car crash, just before their daughter was born.
You could not believe horror I felt, at how insensitive I had been.
I didn't know! but still, I thought they had just broken up, moved on as most people do these days.
To know that my foolishness could hurt someone I never want to do.
It's a good thing she knows me and my silly banter, and that she is now with a really great guy, she says she might never of met otherwise.
It could have been a lot worse, I just have to thank God that it wasn't.
Now, if only I could keep my mouth closed and feet on the ground, but I'll just save it for my New Year's Eve goal.

note: if there is bad spelling I'm sorry
note: if you are reading this only to correct my spelling, I hope you are having fun.
note: I most likely am doing I same thing to you.

At work tonight I was taking a look around me at the people I serve and work with.
And a thought occured to me "what make's these people want to wake up in the morning?"
What makes them want to go from one day to the next, hoping that things will get better?
As a human race, I would have to say, we are pretty sad group of individuals, we work in order to live, what with gas prices always on the rise, new things to buy. Round and round the days seems to go.
Not only that, but we all seem to think that we have our own style, in order to have that however, we would have to create something that has never been done before, but who's to say that it hasn't been done or thought of in years past.
We all want to be looked at, thought of as someone special.
Looked upon and admired, trying to stand out, some a bit more then others.
We wake up each and every morning, to the same things maybe with a little twist.
But to think that life is meaningless, just a chasing after the wind with nothing in the end, was a little sad for me to think that this is how some people chose to go through life.
It made me happy that in God I have a hope and a future, and sad at the same time that so many people would push Him away.
He promised us heaven, and yet people would rather not chose this because He gets in the way of the here and now, if only they knew how short this all is in the period of eternity.
Anyhow, I just thought, if I could somehow set myself apart in a way that would make me in this world and not of it. Meaning by not conforming to what the world says is the way to live, and to make myself open to be different and not care how others may view me, even losing out on some good times once in awhile.
Maybe, just maybe I would find the true me, the person that God made me to be. Not what my friends made me, my parents, the people that come into my life each day, with me changing how I act, who I am with each different group.
I could start to accept all the hidden things about this shell of a person I have become, and work to be the best Christian I can become.
I wrote this a couple years back as I was having another day just like this:

"Beauty"

what is "beauty" other then a fabricated lie
the world tells itself to get by,
you need this makeup,
wear these clothes,
weigh this much,
have polished toes.
Don't sit forward, stand up stright.
Don't die single, date, date, Date!
Have at least one tattoo,
but just one pericing will not do.
What is "beauty" other then a fabricated lie,
the world tells itself to get by.

Lately I have started to wonder why I'm here? not in "why I'm here on earth" but in my job, my town. It seems every time I try and leave, I end up back in the same place I started. Maybe a different job, but same everything eles. My relationship with God, always goes back to asking why instead of being thankful, things could be a lot worse.
I'm here in a town that all my friends have moved from, most reasons getting married. And I keep wasting all of my money buying plane tickets in search to find happiness again.
I have never dated giving me another thing to complain to God about, did he make me wrong, was a given the wrong brain { of course not, but these thoughts do enter one's brain from time to time}.
So I started to think what is it that keeps drawing me back, keeping me from moving on? It all came down to me, I was the problem, not God, my town, my looks, my family.
I was going from place to place ( not just in the earthy sense) and I wasn't looking for what God had already given me.
Maybe, just maybe the reason I keep coming back to this place is the fact that God wasn't done with me here yet.
Maybe I'm not ready for the things I think I'm ready for, husband, kids, a house of my own.
And all the things I'm doing right now are preparing me for those things or better.
I've found, I had to start looking to the now instead of making my own future, I find the things I plan never are as great as the ones I just let happen.
Coincidence I think not.